It’s true what they say “Change Doesn’t Happen Overnight”.
In fact I’d go further to say that any change that did happen in such a way probably wouldn’t have much of a life span anyhow. Ask A. Hitler esq. about his thousand year Third Reich or Clive Sinclair how many millions of C5 electric cars he sold?
Of course it’s not always because the idea itself was a bummer, it’s sometimes because custom and practice closes our minds to the opportunities presented or alternatively opens our minds to the reality of looking a prat in public.
How many of us remember the story of the record company that turned down The Beatles because they were scruffy and electric guitars had no future? Whilst I for one still think that people walking around with a Blue Tooth gadget stuck in their ear look as if they should be on their way to a Star Trek convention.
To refocus public opinion or society’s views on something sensible, regardless of how radical it may be seems to take a generation to happen. Then when it has been accepted it seems as if it had never been any other way.
When I was a child every grown up smoked. They did it in the street in shops at home even on the TV. Now it’s banned in public buildings (quite right too). What a massive step change! Interestingly though because of this very last addition to the law, we’re now seeing smokers walking down the street puffing away, and doesn’t it look odd?
Drink driving has finally become socially unacceptable, twenty years ago those caught were still trying to argue the toss with plod. Although the figures are still high I’m told those guilty are less defensive now about their behaviour.
Most drivers are still up in arms over the massive introduction of speed cameras and the income they are creating. So I guess in another generation’s time every one will be tootling around at the right speed, wondering what all the fuss was about.
When compulsory wearing of seat belts in the front of a car (never mind in the back) was floated there was total outcry.
“If I want to catapult myself head first through my own windscreen and spend the rest of my life dribbling and saying Num Num in the corner whilst tugging at the hem of my dressing gown, then I should bloody well be allowed to!”
One bloke I know in Derby even went to the trouble of having a cardigan knitted in a fetching beige colour with a diagonal black stripe across the chest so it looked as if he was wearing a seat belt! I remember asking him if he’d considered having an overcoat made in the shape of a coffin, he squared himself up set his jaw and muttered that he might ….. if he wanted to … so there!
Today, however, if someone under the age of 25 climbs into your car they panic if you put the key in the ignition before they’ve located the end of the belt.
Peanuts!
KP used to make a tiny bag that sold for 2d. (real money) just big enough to put in your child’s lunch box. Peanuts were encouraged they are cheap, full of protein and rich in fibre.Try offering nuts to anyone under 25, the expression on their face would indicate that you’d just suggested they should perform an indecent act with their Great Aunt Gladys.
“I can’t stand them!” They’ll tell you.
Truth is they’ve never tried one. The fear of a child choking on a nut led society to convince children that gobbling a handful of peanuts was as acceptable as sucking a dog turd.
If you really want to go for the jackpot then thrust an open packet of the best salted variety under their nose as they climb into the back of your car just after you’ve hidden the seat belt and are revving the engine! I promise they’ll never ask you again if you are available to just run them over to their friend’s house 30 miles away. Plus you will enjoy the advantage of all their friends looking at you in a most suspicious manner, because word will get round very quickly, that you are so weird.
Don’t panic though for every cloud has a silver lining! And this one is pure gold, yes sir-reee …… 24 karat, nickel plated, double hinged, cast iron riveted GOLD!!!!It’s name? ……….. Sell by Date.
All hail the great benefactor who gave us sell by dates. Sometimes this treasure goes by the name of Best Before it matters not a jot, a rose by any other name and all that jazz.
So how does this work then?
Well you can thank the retail trade’s fixation about being sued for poisoning their customers for this little beauty.
This will enable you to stop the free loading youth of today from robbing you blind. They’ll stop visiting at meal times, or grunting a Neanderthal greeting at you as they pillage your fridge at any other time.
All this whilst clearing the way for you to take full advantage of the “cheap shelf” at Sainsbury’s To Boot!!!!
Anyone born after 1980 has been programmed that food magically becomes deadly poison two seconds after the date on the package expires.
I urge you to do nothing to educate them otherwise.
We, who know different have learnt the hard way, they must do the same.
We have learnt to check food by looking at it, sniffing it, sticking a finger in it and carefully tasting it before deciding that green, hairy yoghurt with enough whiff to bend glass and a flavour capable of recharging car batteries has probably passed it.
The date doesn’t come into it, it never did, it never will.
If the manufacturers could predicate the date of expiry so accurately they wouldn’t be making yoghurt they’d be raking it in selling life insurance …. or coffins!
But don’t tell the youngsters, they carefully examine the date code on your box of Belgian chocs and whine that they expire at the weekend; do you think they’ll be alright?
There’s no need to lie though, confidently affirm that they’ll be fine. State that you’ve been eating stuff all your life that’s been on the verge of going out of date.
They’ll slowly look you up and down, the expression on their faces none too complimentary, but they’ll return your chocs unmolested.
It’s even worth investing in a gummed label printer and running off your own “Best Before Tomorrow” Stickers. Shove them on everything you’ve got, you’ll save a fortune so you will!
I know someone who plastered one on the remote control and regained possession of his TV. But it doesn’t end there; don’t forget the bargain shelves in Sainsbury’s.
You may have to fight your way through the aisles festooned with young families stocking up on frozen pizzas, pre-packed shepherd pies and chicken curries all cleverly conjured out of preformed unrecognisable chunks of something, but it’s worth the effort.
For out the back near the dog food you’ll find the stand that every OAP dreams of. Stacked high are the dented tins and packs of scoff that no young person will ever venture near. They might as well be sporting large day-glo labels showing a skull and cross bones, but they don’t need to for the tiny lettering showing a date three days hence is more than enough to keep the wrinklies happy and the future of this country resigned to eating stodge that bears as much resemblance to the photo on the packet as I do to the next winner of X Factor.
I can find the “To Clear Shelf” in any supermarket blindfolded. All you have to do is listen for aged voices complaining that all they can find is Fillet Steak and Scottish Salmon AGAIN! “I know it’s reduced down to only 10p a pound but I’ve been living off the stuff for months now” They’ll whine.“And the cat won’t even look at lobster any more!” They go on.
“How come we never see anything useful like bread, milk or Steradent on these cheap shelves?” They plead.
So you see when it comes to keeping every body happy nothing ever changes, except change itself …….. just not over night please!
